Tattered and Torn.

My shoelaces are torn.

My suit is dirty.

My bowtie is crooked.

My hair is choppy.

My hands are dry.

My fingers are calloused.

My lip is torn and cut.

But the music, my music, is perfect.

Unreadable.

I am like a sign. Not just any sign, but an unreadable sign. People can only read parts of me that are visible or still intact. No one knows what I intend to appear as or what I desire to be. Only I and my Creator know that.

I am unreadable.

Blessed

Life isn't bad. On the contrary life is wonderful.

I don't realize sometimes how blessed I am. I live in a warm apartment with roommates who don't stab me in the night or steal my food. I have the best of friends who listen to me no matter what I have to say. I have the most amazing family anyone could ask for. I have the best Bishop who genuinely cares about me. I have many talents that God has given me to bless the lives of others with. I have food in my fridge and money in the bank. I have clothes on my back and shoes on my feet. I am a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. There are so many others things I can be thankful for. The list would be forever long.

I love every single one of you. Some of you I don't know as well as others, but I love you nonetheless. Each of you is a child of God. You have divine potential. You can do great things.

To those struggling in life, let me tell you that you are not alone. There are many out there, including myself, that find life to be difficult at times. But life is too short to live with our heads hung low and shoulders hunched over. We must carry our heads high with conviction in our movements and faith in our eyes. Our actions must be great and our thoughts clean and pure. We must live every moment like it is our last. We must remember who we are and what we stand for. There is much in life to rejoice over.

A special thanks to my cousins, Kimberly and Laura, for making me realize that life is absolutely wonderful. Your attitudes are simply amazing and your spirits travel far to touch those around you. I am forever grateful to the Lord for letting me be your cousin. 

At this time of year, let us be quick to count our blessings and quick to thank our Lord for them. Without Him, we would be nothing. Our simple thanks is the least we can do.

I love you all so very much. Thank you for being such awesome examples in my life!

[Blank]

My mind is empty. There are few things floating around in there right now.

I often think to myself why I do what I do. Why do I dress the way I do? Why do I act the way I do? Why do I talk like I do? What makes me who I am? Is it because of how I was raised? Is it because of my religion? Is it programmed into my genetic code? Or is it all in my head?

Some of you know that I am very different than I seem to be on the outside. I have my inner turmoil that I go through on a daily basis. Sometimes I don't know what to do or how to act. I'm often confused about who I am and what I'm supposed to be. Social norms dictate me to be a certain way, but I find myself wishing to stray from these expectations. I don't feel normal and I refuse to be normal.

I posted a quote by John Powell on Facebook a few weeks ago that describes exactly how I feel right now.

"I'm afraid to tell you who I am, because, if I tell you who I am, you may not like who I am, and that's all I have."

I often wish myself to change, to be normal for one minute. But I don't think that's how I'm supposed to be. People tell me to push through and everything will work out. Will it? The wounds I bear are too deep. Will time be enough to heal them?

No. The only way that I can stay strong is through the grace and will of God. He is my Father in Heaven and knows what is best for me. He watches out for me and no matter what I do, He loves me.

So do I act normal or different? Do I follow society or my heart?

Only time will tell.

How'd You Like Your Eggs?

Music expresses that which words can't say.
The days when you look super attractive are often the best days.
Books can transport you to other worlds.
Cleaning check days are often the most stressful.
"The Foreigner" is such a good play.
When a friend is in pain, I am in pain.
You don't always get what you want.
I made the best chicken broth tonight. I plan on making chicken noodle soup with it.
Jazz is hard to play, but it evokes emotions that were never thought possible.
One simple thing can turn your life upside down.
Getting your homework done early is the best feeling ever.
I don't believe in love at first sight. I believe in love that is grown and kept.
Journals are life savers. They are there to listen when no one else will.
Everyone needs a refuge, whether it be climbing, laughing, walking or anything else.
You don't realize how great something is until you lose it.
Pain was made so that we may be able to recognize peace.
Time is a creation of man. Our lives revolve around it. We should rise and fall with the sun.
The Book of Mormon would make a great movie.
Sometimes all you need is space. Nature is the greatest provider of such openness.
Birding is much harder than it seems. Where's my book of North American birds when I need it?
Having a song stuck in your head all day makes unrelated tasks suddenly relational.
I wish I could just say what I mean to say.
When life hands you eggs, ask "How'd you like your eggs?"

Thoughts on Religion

I have felt impressed to share my feelings about my religion in lieu of the recent presidential election. Yes, I am a Mormon. Yes, I voted for Mitt Romney. No, I don't hate President Obama.

On the night of November 6, 2012 my Facebook news feed was flooded with every type of anger and happiness that man is able to express. I had friends and family happy for the reelection of President Barack Obama. They were thrilled that they didn't have to "move to Italy anymore" or "ditch [their] American citizenship of embarrassment." On the other hand I had friends and family who wanted to "move to Canada" stating "we're doomed" and "four more years years of destruction" are on their way. These comments are quite understandable. People's emotions can easily get roused when the fate of your country is put in one man's hands and you can decide who. What peeved me are the actions that followed.

Members of my own religion started to do things contrary to their beliefs. A few of them swore. Almost half were being unkind to others or to their President. They started using their religion to back up the results of the election saying, "This is the reason they are calling for more missionaries," or "More missionaries will be going foreign now." I also saw some using Helaman 5:2 as an explanation and a rationalization. This Mormon scripture states, "For as their laws and their governments were established by the voice of the people, and they who chose evil were more numerous than they who chose good, therefore they were ripening for destruction, for the laws had become corrupted." Since when has it been okay to apply scriptures to call people evil? Facebook is not the place to apply our religious doctrine to things of the world. It makes our entire religion look like self-centered, rude, and fake. I don't approve.

The religion I believe in is one of kindness, respect, and commitment. My religion is one centered on love for God and love for our fellowmen. My religion is in my heart. My religion is Mormonism. As members of God's church, we NEVER check our religion at the door, whether it be for politics, sports, or anything else.

The following is addressed to my fellow members of the church. You are disciples of Christ. Your actions reflect those of the church. You are standing, living, breathing, examples of what our church stands for. Represent your religion correctly. Do not do anything to disgrace it or harm it. 

To those who believe that most Mormons voted for Romney based on the sole fact that he is Mormon, think a little harder. Did you vote against Romney because he was Mormon? Are you being hypocritical? I did my research to avoid being pushed into this mold and unless you did too you have no right to make this assumption. I am not an uneducated Mormon voter.

I am tired of people criticizing my religion. If you don't agree, fine. I'm not going to force you to believe what I believe. I know there are people that make my religion sound haughty. Unfortunately every religion has these members. I ask you to simply look past these blemishes and see what we truly believe.

I love you all despite our differences. You are all my brothers and sisters. Keep being stellar. 

When Push Comes to Shove

Cleaning is my therapy.
My apartment seems so bare and empty without Halloween decorations.
When that special someone says hi, it makes my day.
Hocus Pocus is the best Halloween movie ever.
I'm going to start collecting leaves every day to hang on my wall.
Tomorrow is Friday. Hallelujah.
Always set your alarm if you plan on taking a nap. You may miss something important.
Nature is gorgeous. Words can't describe it's beauty.
When push comes to shove you taste what you're made of.
I love fall weather.
Making up acronyms is the best especially when no one knows what they mean.
IGBATCO (see above)
Washing dishes on a regular basis is a good idea.
Flypaper is amusing. Two mating flies landed on it today and got stuck. Mwahaha!
Photography is my passion. I'm always up for a photo shoot.
A positive attitude leads to better health and can decrease your risk of disease.
I love laying on the grass, watching leaves fall off the trees.
My Literature teacher had to Google my essay six times because he thought I had copied some professor.
I miss my piano students. They were my little friends.
My best friends are the best. I appreciate their willingness to deal with me.
I'm kind of a people watcher. Humans intrigue me.
Ephraim is my kind of town with my kind of people and my kind of life.
Pageviews on my blog jumped to 58 on Sunday. Thanks guys!