I often think to myself why I do what I do. Why do I dress the way I do? Why do I act the way I do? Why do I talk like I do? What makes me who I am? Is it because of how I was raised? Is it because of my religion? Is it programmed into my genetic code? Or is it all in my head?
Some of you know that I am very different than I seem to be on the outside. I have my inner turmoil that I go through on a daily basis. Sometimes I don't know what to do or how to act. I'm often confused about who I am and what I'm supposed to be. Social norms dictate me to be a certain way, but I find myself wishing to stray from these expectations. I don't feel normal and I refuse to be normal.
I posted a quote by John Powell on Facebook a few weeks ago that describes exactly how I feel right now.
"I'm afraid to tell you who I am, because, if I tell you who I am, you may not like who I am, and that's all I have."
I often wish myself to change, to be normal for one minute. But I don't think that's how I'm supposed to be. People tell me to push through and everything will work out. Will it? The wounds I bear are too deep. Will time be enough to heal them?
No. The only way that I can stay strong is through the grace and will of God. He is my Father in Heaven and knows what is best for me. He watches out for me and no matter what I do, He loves me.
So do I act normal or different? Do I follow society or my heart?
Only time will tell.
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